Patience is always rewarded, Is it ??

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear ~ Lao Tzu

Patience is something that doesn't come naturally, not to me at least. It's like one of those drinks which I always want to taste but, guess what, I'm  too penurious to buy it.  Impatient heart races fast, trust me... very fast and it pumps so hard that sometimes I feel like it'll come out and it will redecorate the walls that stand beside me. But I deny the fact all the time. There's no way in my right mind you'll ever see me agreeing that -"I'm patience-deficient". I'll lie right away, on your face, like any sane person would. 

I guess I need melioration. I want to be more like that antecedent river that keeps flowing in the same way no matter what shall come in its way. Will I ever be able to do that.. Well I'm leaving that to later times.

Patience, the elixir

people say, I find it hard

to look at it that way

what's wrong in

swimming little fast

stroll a little longer

along the ocean vast

Unlimited, my desires

queries that I acquire

ideas bombarding my head

diffused, perching in shreds

holding off, just to set free

temptations, incentives

of copious degrees

I know people are right

I just wonder why they always are

warriors they say, time and patience are

trying hard, not to babble

from this blithering mouth

just wanna learn directions

before things, as they can, go south

Flaccid heart of mine

runs marathon everyday

with this ceaseless scrimmage

construction followed by damage

then synthesis again

new queries, different reasons

new plot, a whole new stage

Be patient Rainer Maria says, toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like those locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer :)

Descent into the cold abyss of oneself

It is necessary ... for a person to go away by himself ... to sit on a rock ... and ask, 'Who am I, where have I been, and where am I going? ― Carl Sandburg

In this chaotic life-style it is very unlikely that I find time to introspect. I intend to keep going and going. Waiting for none and in some contorted way waiting forever for everyone. As I'm never satisfied, I guess nobody is. Wish list keeps growing and I keep making appends and amends. My own mind is like an unsafe neighborhood, I seldom go there for help. I read and observe others, learn from others, often mimic those whom I find perfect. Introspection is something I avoid, knowingly or unknowingly I don't know. As Toba Beta's heart my heart too fails to see its own sins.

What I'm so frightened of ? Why I seek solace in others ? Am I so frightened to look inside, to go deep inside that I keep floating on the fringes ? Sometimes I guess I should interact more, not with others but myself. I should dive deep into this unexplored territory and descend into this cold abyss of myself.

What I lost

what I found

too lavishly or too little

on the way, as I move around

Merry-go-rounds of

connections, webs in which I seems to lost

separations, that are caustic

even if small was the cost

I complain to no one, complain none

though, deceit was lurking

on every turn

but, sometimes it was fun

I look back and see

shed some leaves off of my memory

tale of every small town, every city

some appreciated, others pitied

Whispering unto my own ears

what's good and what's bad

how much I'm happy

how much my scale flips for sad

Whispering mutely, meant for none

better not to ponder on many but one

defining my own, unexampled  

theory of funk and fun..

The mind becomes much more beautiful, 
when man could see his own weaknesses.
― Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

Fear is for what is still to be lost..

I know what the fear is.
The fear is not for what is lost.
What is lost is already in the wall.
What is lost is already behind the locked doors.
The fear is for what is still to be lost.
― Joan Didion, Blue Nights

Fear is something we are all capable of conceiving. Height and might  as varied as speck of a dust to the length and strength of a mountain. Sometimes people fear simple things, I do. Things which are so infantile , when looked, but means a great deal. In time this naive brain is conditioned and it starts confronting the demons in it s own peculiar ways.

I fear things. Things that are yet to come. I fear the unveiling of the curtains that have been lying closed for years. They were intentionally kept closed. Now they think I'm strong enough, inviolable and can handle what awaits. But am I ??

Image Courtsey: http://www.understandfasting.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/foggy-glass.jpg

Fear not, but fear too

as it's something

not easy to dispose of

use it as a catalyst

if I can do..

Like wrinkles on my tee

some fears are temporary

little convincing is all I need

to render them dead

garb wrinkle free..

Cheerful countenance

at all times

often helps me most

I pretend, and just like that

it ends..

I fear to loose

what I might not get

and what I may

and that keeps messing

with me, night and day..

I fear not to loose

what I intend to,

bonded so strong

deep-six these old souvenirs

how do I do ?

Some fears are soaring

never fading stains on my tee

ever flaunting their presence

biting little teethes

ecociding, poor me..

To extol this fact to the world

in flashy words that, I fear

sometimes, every time

what that makes of me ??

a wrinkled, stained tee ??

My mum says-little fear is good. It drives us forward for good. The catalyst, which we all in need of. Fear provides that push forward. But, how to scale this figure ? Can we scale this figure??

To new beginnings. To the pursuit of...somethingness.

Hey folks,

Hope you all are doing fine. I'm good too but I'm all caught up in some crucial times/good times/ bad times of my life. Time that's going to define how my life's going to be. I'm little frustrated, little jaded, little happy and little excited.  Frustration comes naturally when I'm nervous and uncertain about how things are going to turn.  I know I'm prepared and I also know that I could have done better, much better, if  given the chance to do it all again. But that never happens in real life.

Next Sunday is important for me. I'll be tested for something I've been preparing whole year. Trying hard to keep calm and composed. I don't know how future will unfold and how my next year is going to be. All I know that blogging helped me a lot. Random Scribblings  holds a special place in my heart along with all those people who make this place alive. No matter what happens coming Sunday I'll keep coming back to this place as it's one things that keeps the gene of sanity in me intact. It is my fortress of peace n sapience.

Sorry for not being so active in visiting  and commenting on your much loved blogs. I'll do that soon. Once I'm done with all the exams and associated myriads of activities that comes along. I just wanted to say a big big Thanks to everyone.  I'd have been totally a different person today if not for Random Scribblings and people I've met here.

We must always find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives. 
― John F. Kennedy

Smart Phones Dumb People ?

Smart phones, dumb people ? As gadgets take over lives, have we become less intelligent ?

Really is that so ? I think hard and sometimes the answer is a Yes and sometimes it's a No. This book does the same it tells you how technology can be used for some higher purpose. How people can do something more than just facebooking, instagramming, tweeting or whatsapping. Prathajeet Sarma keep reminding us throughout the book that all this smartness that we tend to fallaciously assume that we possess is not the real smartness. Inherent smartness is something we need to work on and keep working on.As he says- creative application of mind is something we should not let go of. 

"So, no way; we are not dumber in the age of smartphones. We are actually smarter. However it is important to pause for a second and realize that smartphones or any other gadget are there to aid our decisions. They are not there to take decisions for us. Once in a while, perhaps we ought to remind ourselves of this, as the world changes around us and line between reality and imagination blurs. "

Book is well-written and some pretty awesome analysis and suggestions are put forth. How Innovation and Technology can be effectively used not only for obvious reasons like better management and administration but can also be used in fighting Indian specific monsters like excessive corruption and social evils. Some say that India is future super-power but still there is so much to be done. As Sharma states-

Parts of India and the world live in 21^st century where as parts still live in the 19^th  century. Whilst many of us live in times ruled by smartphones and the mighty internet, millions go without easy access to basics like water and electricity.

This can change, of course it can. Sincere and unspoiled efforts can make it happen. Add the technology and creative human mind.. nothing is impossible. Purpose will be solved if we can partially, if not completely, prove Honore de Balzac wrong when he says-

"Equality may perhaps be a right, but no power on earth can ever turn it into a fact."

Smart Phones, Dumb people is a nice read. Many readers will enjoy the lightness with which this book is written and at the same time they will be able to grasp the simple and sincere message given by Parthajeet. The book has a lot about innovation and technology, how it can be employed better. It's a brilliant account of what real smartness when blended with technology can achieve :)

Open For Discussion

Everywhere you go, some sort of discussion will follow. It's like an inseparable phenomenon these days. People just can't resist it . Wherever some bunch of people manage to find a place to stand and breathe together, they buckle up and wage a war... with their verbal torpedoes.

Everybody have a opinion. Each and everything is open for discussion, new rule in the book of human survival. Everybody knows something about someone and he/she can't afford to stomach it much longer and have to blurt  it out over someone or at someplace. Desperate times, desperate actions.. Are we lost so badly in our attic of minds that there's no sense of solace in there. Is it only filled with all sorts of grunge and grudge ?

You talk much when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

We cannot survive a day without texting or talking or stalking(on social media) about other people. There's have to have a discussion whether verbal or cerebral. We are impotent to shut it off. If a girl next door got a new haircut it's just out of our wits to not to comment on it. Our heads are full of dilettantish and shoddy commentary and all it seeks is a reek of a crack in time where we can just fork out our own little piece of apprise.

on my way, I

wanted to be alone

from the chatters

that were going on

didn't wanna be a part

daily rituals of unneeded plots

that they set

of baiting others

upsetting whole nine yards

with their own upset

people who know me

they know a lot, all

recourses and resorts

rises and falls

I'm gauged, for every footprint

that I make, not for mine

but for other's sake, they

might not know or favor an ignore

heavy toll that it makes

as my unsteady castle shakes

why do you have to say it, annotate it

why do you have to print it out loud

this and that, more and more, why to make

a memoriam of every single chore

why, where, how and what

why white is white

and how dark is dark

why he's fat, how can he

drive such a fancy car

how can that lady have so much power ?

I sat for a while, tried to think - why's that we are so worried about what's happening to others. Why this discussion feel so burdensome and why it bothers so much. Why is this constant inner struggle for fighting someone else's demons...
I listen to Keane...

Oh simple thing where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I Don't Need To Be Inspired Any Longer

Hopes tends to fade away. Zeal and fervor with which I usually start something recedes with time. Every now and then I need a nudge, I need someone to tear down the illusion of assumed perfection and give me a coup d'oeil of the acrid reality. When this waning fervidness reaches a point beyond which there's no actual moving forward but an unavailing run in loops I need an instant dose of inspiration, a sugar-coated slap of embarrassment from people around which will be hard enough to push me back on race track and soft enough to not to hate them for slapping me.

But, there comes a time when I no longer need inspiration. It's always there with me. May be I'm inspired all the time. My head is deep buried in what I'm doing and I know exactly where I'm going.Like Anais Nin my dreams too are athletic in nature running way ahead of me, I need to catch up before they melt away. I don't wanna get pushed again and again, not now, and questioned and prodded like a nestling.

I guess I don't need to be inspired any longer, just supported ― Kurt Cobain, Journals

Don't say a word

not a whisper, not a silence

with little sounds

heavy citations you oft cites

do no good to me

not now, but once I needed them

so bad, they gave me something

I reckoned I never had

I am charged

excited enough to last long

in valence shell, I know the route

marked well on the map

why charge me further

once I called for it

not any longer

now I need you to tread with me

your unhurried assistance

side by side, till I cross this

stretched out sea

stand with me on that blue boat

of mine, stare with me

torrents of water and azure skies

Sometimes a mere assistance, a little support and an unconditional unhurried presence of people you love gives you enough competency to swim through any circumstances. May be you no longer require encouragement and much needed motivation but patronage is something you'll never get enough, specially of your loved ones :)