No Song Of Certainty

I'm Stubborn, When I Know I'm Right

Stubborn is what I'm labeled with when I stand resolute on something I think is right and just. Often I think I know everything there's to know about a certain thing. I make up my mind and am very clear about the way I feel about it. There are no doubts, no arguments entertained. Like those permanent crease that are imprinted in my hands I know there aren't going to be any alterations. My sagacities are well defined and there's little scope for any change. 

Only if things were so straightforward. Only if I wasn't a human and didn't have this capacity of being molded by the circumstances and people around. Only if unlearning and casting off was an option and this grey matter inside my head was not growing. Only if I wasn't maturing with each passing year and starting to realize that the colors in visible spectrum of my cerebrum keeps growing and there will never come a time, not now, when I can be completely right and wrong. There will always be perspectives and circumstances to weigh in. There's nothing like certainty. I'm never going to be certain again.

Every time he tried to reconstruct the internal arguments that had led to his decision, they sounded feebler to him.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Young me, certain, confident

life seemed easy, comfy, cheery

less I knew, knew what I had to do

what wasn't fine, what wasn't right

when I was or wasn't alright

sketches I drew, so many

only pencil I used, shades so uncanny

differences easy, light and dark

easily marked, in and out so stark.

Stubbornness-my way, I recall

no paradoxes, when I flew I didn't fall

never I gave a second thought

there was no point of coming back

I knew I was coursing the right track

again sketches I drew, so many

some colors I used, used so barely

canvas was scrambled, seems what I got

was some misconstrued blueprint of a plot.

I grew, spent more time

seen, litany of complaints and crimes

like everyone else, peccant mortal I am

exposed to the tableau of right and wrong

seen rise and fall of both weak and strong

sketches that I make now, colors so many

polychromic in feel, sensuous so scenery

judgments are blurred now, ever a scope for things

insatiable life now, engulfing whatever it brings.

Let go of certainty. The opposite isn't uncertainty. It's openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.

~Tony Schwartz

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Mystery Spots

Every day, I'm sure it happens with you too, there are so many things people say to you, so many things those puppy faces do to you, out of jealousy, agony, anger or simply for innocuous reasons. If you start compiling them down or linger on to them for longer duration god knows how enormous can that pile be. Bronx cheers, shady remarks, taunting and twits, well there just too many ways to pull your legs and problem is people around you know you too well to use them when they feel like. Does that bothers me ?

Yeah pretty much. I would be lying if I say otherwise. But, I've made something clear to myself that all these people are nothing but road-blocks. They are just there, lying on my way where I intend to go. I guess they do a little good to me by keeping me on a leash. For an instant they do push me a little on edge but I make sure to drag myself up, or open up my parachute in time in case I make a wrong jump.

Thanks to those Mystery Spots in our brain where all this clutter is not only hived away but clandestinely buried and blocked so that fallout is almost negligible to naked eyes.

Each day brings its petty dust

Our soon-choked souls to fill, 

And we forget because we must,

And not because we will.

~Mathew Arnold

Does that bother me ?

all those nitwitted trumpery talks

those words when processed in my head

I let them walk, ambulate across my neural highways

keep riding, with speed bumps, across the alley all the way.

Does that annoy me a lot ?

all those wasted wish-wash talks

they do boil the fluid inside me, tempering me

those little nagging nick my skin so tough, though

in check, I always am, when reasons not swell enough.

How messed up I am ?

keep singing to me that song, if only

often coated with jaggary, those nuked taunts

aimed right at me, they do make a tangible depression

on the crest, of heart of mine, are in for stirring impressions.

What do I do ?

I keep my calm and go off of the tangent

dive into music and drift along the sound waves

of my song, pull a curve along my face projecting straight

no, it really doesn't bothers me, and I carry on with my life's parade.

My mind lets go of a thousand things,
Like dates of wars and deaths of kings

~ T B Aldrich

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Society's mask, Society's way

There's a face that we wear in the cold light of day 

It's society's mask, it's society's way,

And the truth is that it's all a façade

There's a face that we hide till the nighttime appears,

And what's hiding inside, behind all of our fears,

Is our true self, locked inside the façade..

~Jekyll & Hide

Glimpse of his face

notice, can you, his pace

sharp, determined, hard-core

one-man-army, marching

grabbing all he can, little more.

He is boorish, ramping, very

smiles back too in hearty merry

elusive, can't get a read of him

rock in his heart, or pounding flesh

or too much water beneath the brim.

He's saint, conjoined to his schedule

blandishing, cajoling, bending some rules

to get what he wants, leaves nothing to chance

nonesuch he is, or a daimon in detail

or much talked nonsensical flimsy prance

Strange how he keeps the facade whole day

masquerade  is so tight, never he escaped

one day he was standing tall, in dark of the night

see the face marred by an antsy look

he was worried-planning about next day bright

Who was he ?

he's no one but me

at night I shed it all, mask-unmasked

free from all mistakes, anticipations

I just lie down there bare-skinned.

It's a nightmare 
We can never discard 
So we stay on our guard 
Though we love the façade 
What's behind the façade?
Look behind the façade

~Jekyll & Hide

Even Flow

Even flow, thoughts arrive like Butterflies

Oh, he don't know, so he chases them away

Someday yet, he'll begin his life again

Life again, life again...

~Pearl Jam

Like always,

I was thinking about the times long gone

tree that still stands there and so does the rising Sun

still so fresh, animatedly etched in my memory

but good way off my reach on the contrary

those suspended times I often go back to

to school arcade, nigh park or my college street

Like always,

I was thinking about the times ahead too

if truth said I don't have much to tell you

explorin' heterogeneity of my oneiric world

feelin' the ceilings, measuring how vast they will be

familiar faces smiling, fortifying every turn

while I keep swimmin' uncharted territories

I don't have to think about present times

not much juggling with reason nor with rhymes

do what I got to do, stroll, jog or run fast

winds of every season past, all mixed at one

good times wrapped along rough times

feathering sharp edges moments of fun

It takes more than just efforts, sometimes

flow isn't always so even, oddities stretched

along the tracks, debris obstructing

the flow of rain, left alone, I alone sloppy and enraged

I do what anybody would do, actions- reactions

without much ado

Keep Silent..

Tell a wise person, or else keep silent,

Because the mass man will mock it right away.

~Goethe, The Holy Longing

I've been thinking all night

weird things, good things, bad things

hoodwinking all over my head

full of people, my place

can I ?

shall I cry out for little space ?

Been tattling around

this and that, poking around

installing my ideas, ruminating

over little chit chats,

should I ?

I should stop doing that

I smell the wickedness, stench of

mockery saluting my nostrils, people with

eyes too slurred to see what I see

heart too blunt to feel what I feel

befriending experts of mine

lampooning in the guise of camaraderie

zenithal stage is not so far

and while I'm on my way

I see people floating away

demure and the dauntless Me

words and the doctrine I speak

nothing but piffling to thee

I've been speaking all night

weird things, good things, bad things

hoodwinking all over my head

Should I stop ?

I should..

Say not to just anyone, right sort of people I seek

catches the drift when I speak

can envisage what I see

sense the semblance from what I feel

Do I ?

I reckon I do

have bunch of them in my yard

daft and wise enough to endure me :)

We need much less than we think we need

Satisfaction, contentment.... these BIG words are so much in talks these days.  You sit down with a bunch of guys and in some way or the other you'll end up using these words once and again. I don't have AC, it's too hot, my apartment is bad, my family sucks, neighbors are too nosy, I have no friends,  no job, no clothes, washing-machine screwed... and what not. Kvetching round the clock and trying to quench perpetual  thirst for little more comfort.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

~Lao Tzu

We  just can't get out of it, can we ?  We are stuck so deep in our self created swamp of comfort that outside world is alien for us. We feel perplexed when exposed to the glimpses of stark reality.  Do we really need all this decorum and panache to feel happy and content?  Does flaunting of leisure life and lavish habits  make us feel any better ?

Leaning against my window

oblivious  to the ever hustling world

there was so much rush-- in my midget world

in a jiff I peeked outside

d o w n p o u r , big heavy drops

gushing down, plop, plop

frantically running poor fellows

scudding to hide

HIDING, wherever they can

Muddy, soggy all soppy outside

there was this shack

dripping, all sides, lives there

a couple with three kids, drenched

felt terrible seeing this, I care

I went to doze off, only if I could

I'd go down to check on them

stop you dang  rain, you should

I went down..

Distressed, about their whereabouts

where they will lay down ?I doubt

looked furtively in the shack

still dripping, not a soul inside but me

I was in a bind, then only I saw

wide-opened was my jaw, they were sleeping

safe and sound, in the shade

oblivious to the outside world

left me astound, I just stare them :O

Next day at the crack of dawn, I was awake

that family was half done with their day

morning meal was done, they were ready to sell

balloons, all filled, ready to Go in all colors

red , green, blue, orange, pink and yellow

I think my life sucks, nobody gives a damn

now, when I think of them, so many faces

no names, I question myself and places

Questioning ???

From where I stand

they live so low, yet so poised and content

maybe they are, maybe not

but little I do know now

they demand little, need so less

peace of mind, where have you gone? when I see

mirror every day, why can't I ?

That family living in the shack is struggling every day for their survival. I guessed they needed help and I had it all wrong. They don't worry about rain, or about some status to maintain, they prepare their food wood-fired in less than an hour, they lay down on bare concrete road, watching those twinkling stars and moonlight molting their loads.

I was worrying about them, huh, now I worry about myself..

Oo Simple thing where have you gone ??