Nothing Ever Becomes Real 'Til It Is Experienced

"Nothing ever becomes real 'til it is experienced."
― John Keats 

So Often It Wanders

We wanderers, ever seeking the lonelier way, begin no day where we have ended another day; and no sunrise finds us where sunset left us. Even while the earth sleeps we travel. We are the seeds of the tenacious plant, and it is in our ripeness and our fullness of heart that we are given to the wind and are scattered.

― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

How shall I judge what to do in such times?

“It is hard to be sure of anything among so many marvels. The world is all grown strange...How shall a man judge what to do in such times?'

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers  

How shall I judge what to do in such times?

Floating clouds resembling things
Feeling of fragrance springs
Activating a dormant space
Like receiving a faint signal
I remember with love and ache
From a lost satellite
today

Peeping in to the yesteryears
A sudden throbbing I fear
Scores of things that gone by
On pinning down each evening
Carefree days beside you
Is all that I yen for
today

My hands grew so big
Yours shriveled down a bit
We both are aging apart
Pieces of old puzzle play
Unfolding slowly each day
But nothing makes sense
today

Many things to confirm
No reference for the same
Of all the roads I have gone
Each needs you by my side
Never admitting this aloud
As it may hurt our pride
today


What difference 
I say yes or no
Bittersweet answer
'Yes' makes sense
'No' is better
Both are true
today

Circle of Choices

If the past year were offered me again/and choice of good and ill before me set/would I accept the pleasure with the pain/or dare to wish that we had never met? ― Augusta Gregory offers an insight into the doubts we have to fight, choices that we have to make, every day in our daily lives. We keep on checking our decisions, our wrongdoing, actions, and reactions. We keep track of all, and continuously doubt ourselves in all waking hours. To err is such a common happenstance that it is quite natural to doubt our choices especially when such choices are made by rebelling against the world. "Why did I come here? I thought. Why is it always only a matter of choosing between something bad and something worse?" ― Charles Bukowski. Is choice an easy task? What a battle that goes in our heads when we are faced with tough choices. It rips our heads apart; constant fear and doubt eat our innards. Some say it's all fate, is it? If it's fate then what about the tussle that a person has to go through while raking the brain for something that's already decided. I find John Galsworthy's idea of life and fate "Life calls the tune, we dance" little contradictory.

Sometimes choices are just thrusted upon us like a gust of storm. We aren't prepared for it. We may never be able to prepare for it. But at one point in time, such days come when you have to sit and decide, act and react to situations beyond your control. We make choices, but how far they are correct, who knows. In such circumstances, you are just struggling with all the noise "How did I get into the world? Why was I not asked about it and why was I not informed of the rules and regulations but just thrust into the ranks as if I had been bought by a peddling shanghaier of human beings? How did I get involved in this big enterprise called actuality? Why should I be involved? Isn't it a matter of choice? And if I am compelled to be involved, where is the manager—I have something to say about this. Is there no manager? To whom shall I make my complaint?" ― Søren Kierkegaard. It drives us mad. The possibilities and probabilities are numerous. To be able to think of all, and then there's a voice in your head that will keep telling you - "Make your choice, adventurous Stranger/Strike the bell and bide the danger/or wonder, till it drives you mad/what would have followed if you had." ― C.S. Lewis, the Magician's Nephew. Making choice against the wishes of the people we love is again a battle of the highest order. The valour and courage required in such instances are beyond any measure. There are factions in our head that will keep on juggling back and forth. Deep inside it is nothing but a simmering pothole of confusion and nonsense blabber that grows into a lake of fire. Sylvia Plath's struggle within seems so relevant –"choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between."  It indeed is tough to make a choice, to assess all and arrive at a logical decision which is acceptable to ourselves. In the end, we have to live with our choices. 

When everyday tripping like a battlefield

When you’re up against your own shield

Armour’s full of dust and holes

Turn into Achilles’ heel

Running in the dark from pole to pole

Devoid of life a dying soul

Sayings numb you around

Own clan is pushing you down

Folks keen on pulling you apart

Judging top and down from afar

All ears have gone deaf and eyes blind

Love in life leaves you in a bind

Screaming voice full of craze and sound

How fast does that heart pound

Home when turns into a battleground

You are bound to lose if you win

And the other way around.

Man got to tell himself he understand.

In the world I am
Always a stranger
I do not understand its language
It does not understand my silence.
― Bei Dao

How difficult it is to understand others or yourself? Probably, it is not as easy as the question sounds. As we grow up it becomes rather hard and inconvenient to understand a point of view which differs from your own version. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in The Little Price rightly says “Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them”. This complex process of following someone else’s line of thought is sometimes tiring as well as frustrating. At times it is challenging as well. Different people will have different perspective of the same thing. Ernest Baker in The Denial of Death says “When we are young we are often puzzled by the fact that each person we admire seems to have a different version of what life ought to be, what a good man is, how to live, and so on. If we are especially sensitive it seems more than puzzling, it is disheartening”. It indeed is puzzling as well as disheartening. Our mind works in mysterious ways, how and why a thought will creep in, and what kind of shape it will take, isn’t an easy thing to understand.

As far as understanding flies

As deeper as it delves

Meandering as it moves

I sit on the rooftop
Reflecting

Trying incessantly

Wavering
Faltering 
Succeeding

Failing
To 
Understand.