Friday, June 28, 2013

Keep Silent..

Tell a wise person, or else keep silent,
Because the mass man will mock it right away.
~Goethe, The Holy Longing

I've been thinking all night
weird things, good things, bad things
hoodwinking all over my head
full of people, my place
can I ?
shall I cry out for little space ?

Been tattling around
this and that, poking around
installing my ideas, ruminating
over little chit chats,
should I ?
I should stop doing that

I smell the wickedness, stench of
mockery saluting my nostrils, people with
eyes too slurred to see what I see
heart too blunt to feel what I feel
befriending experts of mine
lampooning in the guise of camaraderie

zenithal stage is not so far
and while I'm on my way
I see people floating away
demure and the dauntless Me
words and the doctrine I speak
nothing but piffling to thee

I've been speaking all night
weird things, good things, bad things
hoodwinking all over my head
Should I stop ?
I should..
Say not to just anyone, right sort of people I seek

catches the drift when I speak
can envisage what I see
sense the semblance from what I feel
Do I ?
I reckon I do
have bunch of them in my yard
daft and wise enough to endure me :)

Thursday, June 20, 2013

We need much less than we think we need

Satisfaction, contentment.... these BIG words are so much in talks these days.  You sit down with a bunch of guys and in some way or the other you'll end up using these words once and again. I don't have AC, it's too hot, my apartment is bad, my family sucks, neighbors are too nosy, I have no friends,  no job, no clothes, washing-machine screwed... and what not. Kvetching round the clock and trying to quench perpetual  thirst for little more comfort.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
~Lao Tzu

We  just can't get out of it, can we ?  We are stuck so deep in our self created swamp of comfort that outside world is alien for us. We feel perplexed when exposed to the glimpses of stark reality.  Do we really need all this decorum and panache to feel happy and content?  Does flaunting of leisure life and lavish habits  make us feel any better ?

Leaning against my window
oblivious  to the ever hustling world
there was so much rush-- in my midget world
in a jiff I peeked outside
d o w n p o u r , big heavy drops
gushing down, plop, plop
frantically running poor fellows
scudding to hide

HIDING, wherever they can

Muddy, soggy all soppy outside
there was this shack
dripping, all sides, lives there
a couple with three kids, drenched
felt terrible seeing this, I care
I went to doze off, only if I could
I'd go down to check on them
stop you dang  rain, you should

I went down..

Distressed, about their whereabouts
where they will lay down ?I doubt
looked furtively in the shack
still dripping, not a soul inside but me
I was in a bind, then only I saw
wide-opened was my jaw, they were sleeping
safe and sound, in the shade
oblivious to the outside world

left me astound, I just stare them :O

Next day at the crack of dawn, I was awake
that family was half done with their day
morning meal was done, they were ready to sell
balloons, all filled, ready to Go in all colors
red , green, blue, orange, pink and yellow
I think my life sucks, nobody gives a damn
now, when I think of them, so many faces
no names, I question myself and places

Questioning ???

From where I stand
they live so low, yet so poised and content
maybe they are, maybe not
but little I do know now
they demand little, need so less
peace of mind, where have you gone? when I see
mirror every day, why can't I ?

That family living in the shack is struggling every day for their survival. I guessed they needed help and I had it all wrong. They don't worry about rain, or about some status to maintain, they prepare their food wood-fired in less than an hour, they lay down on bare concrete road, watching those twinkling stars and moonlight molting their loads.
I was worrying about them, huh, now I worry about myself..

Oo Simple thing where have you gone ??

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Fathers just have a way of putting everything together

Every father have that magic stick which when used can make you feel protective, loved and carefree despite all odds. He always manages to find a way of putting everything together and will give you a perspective and a base nobody else can  :)

If your papa is anything like mine then like mine you'll keep scratching your head on every Father's Day or Birthday or Anniversary about the gift you are going to buy for him. He never wants anything. Like literally nothing, escaping the question the moment you put it...  Mum's no help either. She's one step ahead and declares... NO NEED just behave good, BEST GIFT :P

Despite all eccentricities and weirdness, every family is gifted with some, we always enjoy and have fun on special days.. and me and my brother planning no different this time. Few words, as I can never find enough :)

We'll never find enough words to say
you always stand beside us, comes what may
We can say thank you only so many times
and we can never say sorry enough
when you overlook our crimes
where life will take us
we can only guess now
but, keep asking us on every step
what, why and how
as your questions keep us sane
in this ever distracting terrain
on which this assumed smart
but naive heart and brain, much likely to slip
if not for those bunch of
care-coated fatherly restrains

~ from your kids..
who want nothing more but to make you proud, all the time :)
Wish you all a very very Happy Father's Day
Take Care and Enjoy in whatever ways you can.. 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Patience is always rewarded, Is it ??

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear ~ Lao Tzu

Patience is something that doesn't come naturally, not to me at least. It's like one of those drinks which I always want to taste but, guess what, I'm  too penurious to buy it.  Impatient heart races fast, trust me... very fast and it pumps so hard that sometimes I feel like it'll come out and it will redecorate the walls that stand beside me. But I deny the fact all the time. There's no way in my right mind you'll ever see me agreeing that -"I'm patience-deficient". I'll lie right away, on your face, like any sane person would. 
I guess I need melioration. I want to be more like that antecedent river that keeps flowing in the same way no matter what shall come in its way. Will I ever be able to do that.. Well I'm leaving that to later times.

Patience, the elixir
people say, I find it hard
to look at it that way
what's wrong in
swimming little fast
stroll a little longer
along the ocean vast

Unlimited, my desires
queries that I acquire
ideas bombarding my head
diffused, perching in shreds
holding off, just to set free
temptations, incentives
of copious degrees

I know people are right
I just wonder why they always are
warriors they say, time and patience are
trying hard, not to babble
from this blithering mouth
just wanna learn directions
before things, as they can, go south

Flaccid heart of mine
runs marathon everyday
with this ceaseless scrimmage
construction followed by damage
then synthesis again
new queries, different reasons
new plot, a whole new stage
Be patient Rainer Maria says, toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like those locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer :)

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Descent into the cold abyss of oneself

It is necessary ... for a person to go away by himself ... to sit on a rock ... and ask, 'Who am I, where have I been, and where am I going? Carl Sandburg

In this chaotic life-style it is very unlikely that I find time to introspect. I intend to keep going and going. Waiting for none and in some contorted way waiting forever for everyone. As I'm never satisfied, I guess nobody is. Wish list keeps growing and I keep making appends and amends. My own mind is like an unsafe neighborhood, I seldom go there for help. I read and observe others, learn from others, often mimic those whom I find perfect. Introspection is something I avoid, knowingly or unknowingly I don't know. As Toba Beta's heart my heart too fails to see its own sins.

What I'm so frightened of ? Why I seek solace in others ? Am I so frightened to look inside, to go deep inside that I keep floating on the fringes ? Sometimes I guess I should interact more, not with others but myself. I should dive deep into this unexplored territory and descend into this cold abyss of myself.

What I lost
what I found
too lavishly or too little
on the way, as I move around

Merry-go-rounds of
connections, webs in which I seems to lost
separations, that are caustic
even if small was the cost

I complain to no one, complain none
though, deceit was lurking
on every turn
but, sometimes it was fun

I look back and see
shed some leaves off of my memory
tale of every small town, every city
some appreciated, others pitied

Whispering unto my own ears
what's good and what's bad
how much I'm happy
how much my scale flips for sad

Whispering mutely, meant for none
better not to ponder on many but one
defining my own, unexampled  
theory of funk and fun..

The mind becomes much more beautiful, 
when man could see his own weaknesses.
 Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Fear is for what is still to be lost..

I know what the fear is.
The fear is not for what is lost.
What is lost is already in the wall.
What is lost is already behind the locked doors.
The fear is for what is still to be lost.
 Joan Didion, Blue Nights

Fear is something we are all capable of conceiving. Height and might  as varied as speck of a dust to the length and strength of a mountain. Sometimes people fear simple things, I do. Things which are so infantile , when looked, but means a great deal. In time this naive brain is conditioned and it starts confronting the demons in it s own peculiar ways.

I fear things. Things that are yet to come. I fear the unveiling of the curtains that have been lying closed for years. They were intentionally kept closed. Now they think I'm strong enough, inviolable and can handle what awaits. But am I ??

Image Courtsey:

Fear not, but fear too
as it's something
not easy to dispose of
use it as a catalyst
if I can do..

Like wrinkles on my tee
some fears are temporary
little convincing is all I need
to render them dead
garb wrinkle free..

Cheerful countenance
at all times
often helps me most
I pretend, and just like that
it ends..

I fear to loose
what I might not get
and what I may
and that keeps messing
with me, night and day..

I fear not to loose
what I intend to,
bonded so strong
deep-six these old souvenirs
how do I do ?

Some fears are soaring
never fading stains on my tee
ever flaunting their presence
biting little teethes
ecociding, poor me..

To extol this fact to the world
in flashy words that, I fear
sometimes, every time
what that makes of me ??
a wrinkled, stained tee ??

My mum says-little fear is good. It drives us forward for good. The catalyst, which we all in need of. Fear provides that push forward. But, how to scale this figure ? Can we scale this figure??


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