Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Descent into the cold abyss of oneself


It is necessary ... for a person to go away by himself ... to sit on a rock ... and ask, 'Who am I, where have I been, and where am I going? Carl Sandburg

In this chaotic life-style it is very unlikely that I find time to introspect. I intend to keep going and going. Waiting for none and in some contorted way waiting forever for everyone. As I'm never satisfied, I guess nobody is. Wish list keeps growing and I keep making appends and amends. My own mind is like an unsafe neighborhood, I seldom go there for help. I read and observe others, learn from others, often mimic those whom I find perfect. Introspection is something I avoid, knowingly or unknowingly I don't know. As Toba Beta's heart my heart too fails to see its own sins.

What I'm so frightened of ? Why I seek solace in others ? Am I so frightened to look inside, to go deep inside that I keep floating on the fringes ? Sometimes I guess I should interact more, not with others but myself. I should dive deep into this unexplored territory and descend into this cold abyss of myself.


What I lost
what I found
too lavishly or too little
on the way, as I move around

Merry-go-rounds of
connections, webs in which I seems to lost
separations, that are caustic
even if small was the cost

I complain to no one, complain none
though, deceit was lurking
on every turn
but, sometimes it was fun

I look back and see
shed some leaves off of my memory
tale of every small town, every city
some appreciated, others pitied

Whispering unto my own ears
what's good and what's bad
how much I'm happy
how much my scale flips for sad

Whispering mutely, meant for none
better not to ponder on many but one
defining my own, unexampled  
theory of funk and fun..

The mind becomes much more beautiful, 
when man could see his own weaknesses.
 Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

48 comments:

  1. Like the use of merry go rounds as it is so true, as around we go.

    ReplyDelete
  2. मनुष्य इन मूल प्रश्नों से इतना घबराता है कि इनसे भागने के लिये न जाने कितने साधन एकत्र कर लेता है।

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sahi kaha aapne..
      we just keep messing around !!

      Delete
  3. Merry-go-rounds of
    connections...somehow this was the hook for me here...just coming back from basle where i gave a city tour to some customers and i showed them the fortune wheel over the side entrance of the münster church.. it's about how life sometimes goes good and sometimes bad..for me always symbolizes that everything has two sides and they go hand in hand and somehow make sense as well..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you are right claudia... everything has a flipside :)
      thanks !!

      Delete
  4. loved "defining your own theory of funk and fun"
    and I totally agree with ya..:)
    Its important to introspect.. to spend sometime with ourselves and to ask ourselves as many questions as we can ..:)
    thnx for the kick..:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you Jamina..
      always a pleasure to see u :)

      Delete
  5. You make me think. All the time.
    I wish that I could look into myself. But no, I run. All the time.
    Beautiful writing.. Lovely quotes :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. glad I can do that..
      Why do we run.. that's where I was struggling !!

      Delete
  6. जिन खोजा तिन पाईयां गहरे पानी पैठ
    मैं बपुरा डूबन डरा रहा किनारे बैठ
    कबीर
    और नीचे उतरो ज्योति :-) Contemplate! One day you may meet to your 'self' and then nothing would remain unknown to you! Since our Upnishads man's this quest continues ....' KOAHAM KOAHAM ( WHO AM I ,WHO AM I ?? )May be you succeed one day to get the answer ( seriously ,no pun)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A lovely comment as always A...
      I wish to go deep down n down :)
      and hopefully one day I'll get the answers !!

      Delete
  7. Yes. Love the image "shed some leaves off of my memory" creates.

    It is so very easy to lose ourselves in the constantly multiplying webs of connection. And around an around we go.

    VR Barkowski

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you mam..
      true.. it's very easy to get lost !!

      Delete
  8. Introspection is something which helps me in devoting some time for myself in this fast paced world. It's the only way to find the meaning of life,existence.....

    Nice one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. the only way it is :)
      thanks Himadri !!

      Delete
  9. 'Whispering mutely, meant for none
    better not to ponder on many but one
    defining my own, unexampled
    theory of funk and fun..'
    I think this is the core of the verses.Very philosophical,jyoti. Introspection prevents one from repetition of the wrong deeds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree with you... it saves us in many ways :)
      thanks

      Delete
  10. We sometimes become a prisoner of our own thoughts. It is important to introspcet, but it is more important to introspect the right way

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. right Ritesh...
      we can get lost otherwise

      Delete
  11. the wait is over.. it s come, check my blog :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congratulations Deeps..
      I visited :)

      Delete
  12. Theory of fun and funk - that sounds interesting :-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. A lot of us run away from introspecting,we'd rather just avoid that.But we all need to introspect every now and then so as to improve in our actions and behaviors.Nice poem!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. true.. it is must for self-improvement..

      Delete
  14. Being comfortable with oneself is so very important. You are right.

    ReplyDelete
  15. beautiful words....lovely lines!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I complain to no one, complain none
    though, deceit was lurking
    on every turn
    but, sometimes it was fun

    Truly said, Jyoti! One is not to bother others. Let them be! Though rightly, there are others who try to bother us, we just laugh at them! Life can be fun! Nicely!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehe.. yeah it can be fun if we want to :)
      thank you Hank !!

      Delete
  17. Nice post. To understand others it is more important to know yourself first and interact with yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you mam..Totally agree with u.

      Delete
  18. Hopping by from the followers hop.
    New follower. Great post. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome Sania.. thanks
      hope to see u more :)

      Delete
  19. Beautiful.

    and I'm hopping by to say hi.

    http://www.constanceburris.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  20. It's nice to meet you, Jyoti; I'm from the blog hop, as well! I think your blog is amazing, so I'm totally following you now. I think many people, including myself, can relate to your posts; sometimes, it feels like life just keeps going and going, and we don't have time (or won't give ourselves time) to mentally catch up with everything that's going on. For me, this summer has been the perfect opportunity for me to do just that.

    Hope you're having a wonderful week! Would love for you to stop by and say hello if you'd like. :)

    ~Wendy Lu

    The Red Angel Blog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hey Wendy, nice to meet u too :)
      Welcome here.. hope to see u more !!

      Delete
  21. अपने अंदर झांकना और फिर बाहर की दुनिया से सामना करना ... जीवन यही तो है ...

    ReplyDelete
  22. thank you for that....
    maybe visit again and you will know how to get it...

    by the way, this is a nice post, i think we all need to ask more n more questions to ourselves...the kind of questions that would unravel ourselves...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did.. Thanks :)

      true.. and that unraveling is an ever going process. Isn't it ?

      Delete
  23. so true in the web of our wake all the connections that come behind us...we have to choose who we will listen to as well...some will affirm us, so derail and some be truthful no matter...its all in the discerning who is....

    ReplyDelete
  24. well, i think its natural..everybody wants to find solace in others..one cannot find it in their own heart :(

    ReplyDelete

Write whatever may come to your mind..
I'm here with my fingers on keyboard waiting to reply :)

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...