What concerns me is that man, unable to articulate, to express himself adequately, reverts to action. Since the vocabulary of action is limited, as it were, to his body, he is bound to act violently, extending his vocabulary with a weapon where there should have been an adjective?
~Joseph Brodsky
You and I are same in so many ways. We are happy but at the same time in a little deplorable state. Have so many wishes yet to be fulfilled and so many concerns of everyday life that eats up almost half of our times. Usually, not always, when I feel low or distracted I write it all down and then tear it away. Purge out all the emotions or feelings on some useless paper, on blog, on Facebook and what not. Yes that does sound little awkward when said out loud but almost everyone I know have his/her own coping mechanisms. Other times I just scare the hell out of people, specially my mum, and blither out everything right on their faces. This process of writing or speaking out maintains an equipoise and it keeps me from flattening out. But something smutty happens when I do neither..
~Joseph Brodsky
You and I are same in so many ways. We are happy but at the same time in a little deplorable state. Have so many wishes yet to be fulfilled and so many concerns of everyday life that eats up almost half of our times. Usually, not always, when I feel low or distracted I write it all down and then tear it away. Purge out all the emotions or feelings on some useless paper, on blog, on Facebook and what not. Yes that does sound little awkward when said out loud but almost everyone I know have his/her own coping mechanisms. Other times I just scare the hell out of people, specially my mum, and blither out everything right on their faces. This process of writing or speaking out maintains an equipoise and it keeps me from flattening out. But something smutty happens when I do neither..
Something keeps bugging me
personal concerns is what people call
bugs I can't put my finger on
it rattles so sharp and render me insane
I scribble them all down, simmering pain
it never actually die, not instantly
as soon as I finished my scribble
roaring flame caged and hog-tied
stinging still bothers me but it subsides
On some random days
I pick some words out
out of my mind's own word-hoard
and holler them out loud
words sounded much heavier
when my voice was added to its core
awful clumsiness that fogged me
didn't melt away, vision little clearer
than it was a while before
When I can't write a single word
with so much ink that I hold
sound that I made was so mumbling
and bedimmed, better if I left it untold
even my torrid eyes crashed
all bottled up inside, I acted out rash
actions so reckless, I confess
slipshodness felt so bad, wished
I'd have done something else instead.
Out of all that vexes me
my inaction and indecision
what concerns me more
I have my own ghosts to fight
ghosts that are seen by none
none but me and that's alright
I have my own armada to rely on
as much as I love to look back
I must move ahead and carry on..
personal concerns is what people call
bugs I can't put my finger on
it rattles so sharp and render me insane
I scribble them all down, simmering pain
it never actually die, not instantly
as soon as I finished my scribble
roaring flame caged and hog-tied
stinging still bothers me but it subsides
On some random days
I pick some words out
out of my mind's own word-hoard
and holler them out loud
words sounded much heavier
when my voice was added to its core
awful clumsiness that fogged me
didn't melt away, vision little clearer
than it was a while before
When I can't write a single word
with so much ink that I hold
sound that I made was so mumbling
and bedimmed, better if I left it untold
even my torrid eyes crashed
all bottled up inside, I acted out rash
actions so reckless, I confess
slipshodness felt so bad, wished
I'd have done something else instead.
Out of all that vexes me
my inaction and indecision
what concerns me more
I have my own ghosts to fight
ghosts that are seen by none
none but me and that's alright
I have my own armada to rely on
as much as I love to look back
I must move ahead and carry on..
Ghost can haunt but sitting around doing nothing at all, will sure never rid them of ones hall
ReplyDeletenever.. ha ha
DeleteI guess u r right :P
I have had these feelings before...something bothers you but you can't quite tell what it is. Sometimes we just need some time to decompress :)
ReplyDeleteTime heals all.. my mum too keep saying that :P
DeleteI can identify with your thoughts...!
ReplyDelete"...as much as I love to look back
I must move ahead and carry on.."
Very well put!
glad u could relate mam !!
Deletethanks
I have my own armada to rely on
ReplyDeleteas much as I love to look back
I must move ahead and carry on
Brilliant take Jyoti! You went through lots of thoughts on this. The end is the clincher. Yes take a stand and walk through ahead! Nicely!
Hank
Thank you Sir..
Deleteand that's what I intend to do :)
we do have to move ahead and carry on in the end...i agree with keith, i have had those days and those feelings as well...
ReplyDeleteyep Brian Carry on and on..
DeleteSee I told u we are all same in so many ways :)
Jyoti,I like your writing in this post but not comfortable with the content.You write down in a dispoable paper whatever you wish to let the suppressed steam out but do not give your negative thoughts vocal expression.Fill your mind with happy thoughts leaving no room for concerns and worries.Everyone has their share of concerns
ReplyDeleteI do not want to give vocal expressions to my negative thoughts..
DeleteI just want to get rid of them..
writing them out seems easy.. :)
पीड़ा केन्द्रित, शब्द परिधिमय,
ReplyDeleteभूत भविष्यत, सतत प्रकटभय,
भूत भविष्यत, सतत प्रकटभय..
Deleteso true sir.. u always reduce my whole post to a single sentence :)
The thought quoted is very thoughtful....Poetry too
ReplyDeleteCarrying on and moving on is funda of life....keep goin:-)
thanks prakash :)
Deletewish we both succeed in doing that !!
Hi there! You are posting less often these days but wow! The ones you post are so good :) i mean the quotes and the poems,they are so nice!
ReplyDeletecoming to this post, i was feeling quite connected to it. Because sadly, i had been going through such dilemmas myself. Indecisiveness and inaction are something which have real disastrous implications. So,confronting my fears i just manage stay afloat for the time being. Would like to hear more from you on this topic :)
Thank you so much.. that means a lot :)
Deletetold u we are all same in so many ways. I'd love to write more on this topic in time ahead.. :)
It's a superb poem. I love the last couple lines.
ReplyDeleteSmiles :)
DeleteThis inner struggle leads us to creativity whatever its form be. Nice writing.
ReplyDeletethank you sir :)
DeleteThe battles of the mind and soul!
ReplyDeleteand this battle goes on :)
DeleteSuperb...lovely piece of writing
ReplyDeletethank you mam !!
Delete'Out of all that vexes me
Deletemy inaction and indecision
what concerns me more
I have my own ghosts to fight
ghosts that are seen by none
none but me and that's alright
I have my own armada to rely on
as much as I love to look back
I must move ahead and carry on..' Thispart gives some positive feelings.So go ahead with that.Nicely done,Jyoti
You should write and write more, it's therapeutic. And guess, many can relate to this post.
ReplyDeletethank you Saru..
Deleteu always bring a smile on my face :)
I've never thought of it that way- that when we don't have words we revert to actions, when really we should have just found an adjective that describes whatever we are feeling then. Whether or not that is the point that you intended to convey, that's what I figured out from it :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for these awesome, very evocative thoughts. They'll be spinning around my head for awhile now!
you got it right Katie :)
Deletei think it's so important to address our emotions in whatever way suits us best... writing it out is a way i choose often - esp. if i cannot really name them cause they're so diffuse and it's just an undefined feel...def. can relate much to this..
ReplyDeleten whatever way suits us best.. that's definitely the best way Claudia !!
DeleteBringing what's inside of us to the surface will always be a struggle, whether via pen, opinion, or living our lives. We can't fight our ghosts by looking back—it's fear that makes us cling to what we know or think we know. Looking ahead is brave and hopeful. Keep struggling.
ReplyDeleteVR Barkowski
Looking ahead is brave and hopeful...
Deletewell said mam.. and I intend to do the same :)
"my mind's own word-hoard" Love it! And my goodness, how many of us don't get stuck in our yesterdays? That's--why I'm firing the scientists lock in my basement and will be finishing my time machine myself. ;)
ReplyDeletehehe.. u do it Crystal :)
DeleteArticulation in which ever form or format is an art indeed…those that are masters of this win the matches…others don’t lose but have to wait a lil longer :P maybe agonizingly
ReplyDeleteyes.. I guess u r right.
DeleteExpression makes things easier.
Beautiful poem Jyoti. The concluding lines were awesome! You have amazing thought process :)
ReplyDeletethank you valli :)
Deletelovely writing...
ReplyDeleteFor me it's like a sine wave...sometimes all flows out...at other times it all chokes up...
thanks :)
Deletea kind of sine wave in my case too.
We do have our own ghosts to fight ... very well said !!!
ReplyDeletethanks Amrit :)
Delete:)
ReplyDeletecarry on as miles still to go.....some people try to transform their anger and anguish in many forms of creativity -like you! and they are the winners ultimately! So carry on and keep it up!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful thoughts put into beautiful words! Awesome!
ReplyDelete