Keep Silent..

Tell a wise person, or else keep silent,

Because the mass man will mock it right away.

~Goethe, The Holy Longing

I've been thinking all night

weird things, good things, bad things

hoodwinking all over my head

full of people, my place

can I ?

shall I cry out for little space ?

Been tattling around

this and that, poking around

installing my ideas, ruminating

over little chit chats,

should I ?

I should stop doing that

I smell the wickedness, stench of

mockery saluting my nostrils, people with

eyes too slurred to see what I see

heart too blunt to feel what I feel

befriending experts of mine

lampooning in the guise of camaraderie

zenithal stage is not so far

and while I'm on my way

I see people floating away

demure and the dauntless Me

words and the doctrine I speak

nothing but piffling to thee

I've been speaking all night

weird things, good things, bad things

hoodwinking all over my head

Should I stop ?

I should..

Say not to just anyone, right sort of people I seek

catches the drift when I speak

can envisage what I see

sense the semblance from what I feel

Do I ?

I reckon I do

have bunch of them in my yard

daft and wise enough to endure me :)

We need much less than we think we need

Satisfaction, contentment.... these BIG words are so much in talks these days.  You sit down with a bunch of guys and in some way or the other you'll end up using these words once and again. I don't have AC, it's too hot, my apartment is bad, my family sucks, neighbors are too nosy, I have no friends,  no job, no clothes, washing-machine screwed... and what not. Kvetching round the clock and trying to quench perpetual  thirst for little more comfort.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

~Lao Tzu

We  just can't get out of it, can we ?  We are stuck so deep in our self created swamp of comfort that outside world is alien for us. We feel perplexed when exposed to the glimpses of stark reality.  Do we really need all this decorum and panache to feel happy and content?  Does flaunting of leisure life and lavish habits  make us feel any better ?

Leaning against my window

oblivious  to the ever hustling world

there was so much rush-- in my midget world

in a jiff I peeked outside

d o w n p o u r , big heavy drops

gushing down, plop, plop

frantically running poor fellows

scudding to hide

HIDING, wherever they can

Muddy, soggy all soppy outside

there was this shack

dripping, all sides, lives there

a couple with three kids, drenched

felt terrible seeing this, I care

I went to doze off, only if I could

I'd go down to check on them

stop you dang  rain, you should

I went down..

Distressed, about their whereabouts

where they will lay down ?I doubt

looked furtively in the shack

still dripping, not a soul inside but me

I was in a bind, then only I saw

wide-opened was my jaw, they were sleeping

safe and sound, in the shade

oblivious to the outside world

left me astound, I just stare them :O

Next day at the crack of dawn, I was awake

that family was half done with their day

morning meal was done, they were ready to sell

balloons, all filled, ready to Go in all colors

red , green, blue, orange, pink and yellow

I think my life sucks, nobody gives a damn

now, when I think of them, so many faces

no names, I question myself and places

Questioning ???

From where I stand

they live so low, yet so poised and content

maybe they are, maybe not

but little I do know now

they demand little, need so less

peace of mind, where have you gone? when I see

mirror every day, why can't I ?

That family living in the shack is struggling every day for their survival. I guessed they needed help and I had it all wrong. They don't worry about rain, or about some status to maintain, they prepare their food wood-fired in less than an hour, they lay down on bare concrete road, watching those twinkling stars and moonlight molting their loads.

I was worrying about them, huh, now I worry about myself..

Oo Simple thing where have you gone ??

Fathers just have a way of putting everything together

Every father have that magic stick which when used can make you feel protective, loved and carefree despite all odds. He always manages to find a way of putting everything together and will give you a perspective and a base nobody else can  :)

If your papa is anything like mine then like mine you'll keep scratching your head on every Father's Day or Birthday or Anniversary about the gift you are going to buy for him. He never wants anything. Like literally nothing, escaping the question the moment you put it...  Mum's no help either. She's one step ahead and declares... NO NEED just behave good, BEST GIFT :P

Despite all eccentricities and weirdness, every family is gifted with some, we always enjoy and have fun on special days.. and me and my brother planning no different this time. Few words, as I can never find enough :)

We'll never find enough words to say

you always stand beside us, comes what may

We can say thank you only so many times

and we can never say sorry enough

when you overlook our crimes

where life will take us

we can only guess now

but, keep asking us on every step

what, why and how

as your questions keep us sane

in this ever distracting terrain

on which this assumed smart

but naive heart and brain, much likely to slip

if not for those bunch of
bitter-sweet

care-coated fatherly restrains

~ from your kids..

who want nothing more but to make you proud, all the time :)

Wish you all a very very Happy Father's Day

Take Care and Enjoy in whatever ways you can.. 

Patience is always rewarded, Is it ??

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear ~ Lao Tzu

Patience is something that doesn't come naturally, not to me at least. It's like one of those drinks which I always want to taste but, guess what, I'm  too penurious to buy it.  Impatient heart races fast, trust me... very fast and it pumps so hard that sometimes I feel like it'll come out and it will redecorate the walls that stand beside me. But I deny the fact all the time. There's no way in my right mind you'll ever see me agreeing that -"I'm patience-deficient". I'll lie right away, on your face, like any sane person would. 

I guess I need melioration. I want to be more like that antecedent river that keeps flowing in the same way no matter what shall come in its way. Will I ever be able to do that.. Well I'm leaving that to later times.

Patience, the elixir

people say, I find it hard

to look at it that way

what's wrong in

swimming little fast

stroll a little longer

along the ocean vast

Unlimited, my desires

queries that I acquire

ideas bombarding my head

diffused, perching in shreds

holding off, just to set free

temptations, incentives

of copious degrees

I know people are right

I just wonder why they always are

warriors they say, time and patience are

trying hard, not to babble

from this blithering mouth

just wanna learn directions

before things, as they can, go south

Flaccid heart of mine

runs marathon everyday

with this ceaseless scrimmage

construction followed by damage

then synthesis again

new queries, different reasons

new plot, a whole new stage

Be patient Rainer Maria says, toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like those locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer :)

Descent into the cold abyss of oneself

It is necessary ... for a person to go away by himself ... to sit on a rock ... and ask, 'Who am I, where have I been, and where am I going? ― Carl Sandburg

In this chaotic life-style it is very unlikely that I find time to introspect. I intend to keep going and going. Waiting for none and in some contorted way waiting forever for everyone. As I'm never satisfied, I guess nobody is. Wish list keeps growing and I keep making appends and amends. My own mind is like an unsafe neighborhood, I seldom go there for help. I read and observe others, learn from others, often mimic those whom I find perfect. Introspection is something I avoid, knowingly or unknowingly I don't know. As Toba Beta's heart my heart too fails to see its own sins.

What I'm so frightened of ? Why I seek solace in others ? Am I so frightened to look inside, to go deep inside that I keep floating on the fringes ? Sometimes I guess I should interact more, not with others but myself. I should dive deep into this unexplored territory and descend into this cold abyss of myself.

What I lost

what I found

too lavishly or too little

on the way, as I move around

Merry-go-rounds of

connections, webs in which I seems to lost

separations, that are caustic

even if small was the cost

I complain to no one, complain none

though, deceit was lurking

on every turn

but, sometimes it was fun

I look back and see

shed some leaves off of my memory

tale of every small town, every city

some appreciated, others pitied

Whispering unto my own ears

what's good and what's bad

how much I'm happy

how much my scale flips for sad

Whispering mutely, meant for none

better not to ponder on many but one

defining my own, unexampled  

theory of funk and fun..

The mind becomes much more beautiful, 
when man could see his own weaknesses.
― Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

Fear is for what is still to be lost..

I know what the fear is.
The fear is not for what is lost.
What is lost is already in the wall.
What is lost is already behind the locked doors.
The fear is for what is still to be lost.
― Joan Didion, Blue Nights

Fear is something we are all capable of conceiving. Height and might  as varied as speck of a dust to the length and strength of a mountain. Sometimes people fear simple things, I do. Things which are so infantile , when looked, but means a great deal. In time this naive brain is conditioned and it starts confronting the demons in it s own peculiar ways.

I fear things. Things that are yet to come. I fear the unveiling of the curtains that have been lying closed for years. They were intentionally kept closed. Now they think I'm strong enough, inviolable and can handle what awaits. But am I ??

Image Courtsey: http://www.understandfasting.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/foggy-glass.jpg

Fear not, but fear too

as it's something

not easy to dispose of

use it as a catalyst

if I can do..

Like wrinkles on my tee

some fears are temporary

little convincing is all I need

to render them dead

garb wrinkle free..

Cheerful countenance

at all times

often helps me most

I pretend, and just like that

it ends..

I fear to loose

what I might not get

and what I may

and that keeps messing

with me, night and day..

I fear not to loose

what I intend to,

bonded so strong

deep-six these old souvenirs

how do I do ?

Some fears are soaring

never fading stains on my tee

ever flaunting their presence

biting little teethes

ecociding, poor me..

To extol this fact to the world

in flashy words that, I fear

sometimes, every time

what that makes of me ??

a wrinkled, stained tee ??

My mum says-little fear is good. It drives us forward for good. The catalyst, which we all in need of. Fear provides that push forward. But, how to scale this figure ? Can we scale this figure??